Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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