I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
