unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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