Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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