I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
