so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
