You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
