Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
