its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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