I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
