I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
