so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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