Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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