Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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