We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
