Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
