Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
