He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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