drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
