im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
