I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
