you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
