my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
