Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
