After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
