So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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