the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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