the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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