C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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