i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
