It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
