so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's never too late to be topless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
