Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
