I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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