Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
