Non-Jews are for practice
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
