Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
