i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
