If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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