I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ladies don't puke and tell
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
