I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
