She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
