i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
its liver damage thursday
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
