We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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