hotel room ftw
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Houston, we have a blender
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
