hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
