have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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