So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Randomize
