Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
