I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
