it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
