You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
