I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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