rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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