I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
