my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
