Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
