do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
