My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
