I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
